Recovering From Being a “Nice” Guy

An open letter addressed to “ladies” from an anonymous man has been posted all around what is likely Toronto though the location hasn’t been confirmed and is making its way around the Internet. What’s remarkable about this letter is that it contains all the textbook signs of Nice Guy Syndrome : A man describes in benevolently sexist terms why he’s so nice, puts down other men for not being “nice,” puts down women for choosing these men over him, blames women for having very rational trust issues, and implies that these women have wronged him for not dating him. And, perhaps most characteristically, he describes himself as one of “the good guys” — which is almost always a surefire sign that a guy is not actually good. Though there might be hints of these attitudes in some people who aren’t men, they typically manifest in men due to societal roles that say women belong to them. For example, women are often depicted as prizes at the end of video games after male characters complete obstacles or at the end of movies after male protagonists wait patiently in the “friend zone. But how do you know when you’ve encountered Nice Guy Syndrome and when you’ve just met a genuinely sweet, shy dude who has a bit of trouble in his love life?

5 Signs Of Nice Guy Syndrome

In fact, I have a tendency to date d-bags. The ones that are arrogant. The ones that lie, cheat, and lie again. The ones that withhold affection in order to gain power.

6 times dating a “nice guy” went horribly wrong He also complained about how the issue of sexism at his work came up because he got.

I once dated a really nice guy. He was funny, we had fun together, we had good chemistry — but something was off. You attract those who reflect your current state of being. When I think about my once nice guy, underneath our good times and our friendship was his lack of direction in his life. He always had big ideas, but never followed through with them. We found common ground, friendship, and chemistry because we were both in the exact same place in our lives. Metaphorically speaking, he was like a mirror showing me who I was at that time.

So ending it was really hard. I tried to get him to end it, and he never would. It was like giving up a good chocolate sundae on a hot summer day. But the more I stuck it out, the more it made me feel really yucky.

The “Nice Guy” Problem: Negotiating from a Position of Weakness

Every woman has had a friend who dated a guy who was clearly bad news, but she just couldn’t resist. Maybe, that “friend” was you. And yet, despite all the warnings and red flags, the pull of dating a “bad boy” was just too strong. So, even with all of the signs that heartbreak is on the horizon, why do we still find bad boys so appealing? It may not be politically correct to admit it, but these brooding, macho men can be compellingly attractive, with their downright seductive swagger.

A Dating Coach Reveals Why Being A Nice Guy Can Make You A Loser. “He’s a nice guy, but ”.

A nice guy is an informal term for an often young adult male who portrays himself with characteristics such as being agreeable , gentle , compassionate , sensitive and vulnerable. When used negatively, a nice guy implies a male who is unassertive or otherwise non-masculine. It is also often used particularly in the context of dating [1] to describe someone who pretends to possess “nice guy” characteristics and uses acts of friendship and basic social etiquette with the unstated aim of progressing to a romantic or sexual relationship.

The results of the research on romantic perception of “nice guys” are mixed and often inconsistent. Studies that explicitly use the term “nice guy” sometimes cite research that does not directly use the term, but which addresses behaviours which are often associated with disingenuous “niceness”. One difficulty in studying the “nice guy” phenomenon is due to the ambiguity of the “nice guy” construct.

Participants in studies interpret “nice guy” to mean different things. In their qualitative analysis, Herold and Milhausen [6] found that women associate different qualities with the “nice guy” label: “Some women offered flattering interpretations of the ‘nice guy’, characterizing him as committed, caring, and respectful of women. Some women, however, emphasized more negative aspects, considering the ‘nice guy’ to be boring, lacking confidence, and unattractive.

The 10 Reasons Why Every Nice Guy Needs a Nice Guy Coach to Win in Life

You have listened to her complain about the jerk who treated her badly countless times only to watch her go out with him again and again. All of your selfless acts fall by the wayside only to hear about her mistreatment the following week. When will she wake up?

She needs to be dating me, I actually respect her!” No son. No you really don’t. The “Nice Guy” has usually bought into the lies that he’s.

I always appreciate it when a topic for an article happens to fall into my lap. Whiskey all the while cursing my laptop for betraying me by not magically producing the pages that the DMT elves promised me. The Nice Guy spends his time trying to be as close to his designated crush as possible — after all, the more time he gets to spend with her, the more opportunities she gets to recognize his inner stud-muffin.

All of this attention is done, not with the desire to support his friend but to ingratiate her to him. Small wonder most Nice Guys choose to run away and complain about it on their social networks instead. See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him.

They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy.

You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

6 times dating a “nice guy” went horribly wrong

Ah, the “nice guy”. You know, the one was says you’re “not like other girls” and pretends to be so caring and chill but then immediately goes into bellend mode when you reject him. Admittedly, some guys are quite nice. But “nice guys” in quote marks are the ones who act super nice, but beneath the surface are complete arseholes. Here, women who dated “nice guys” share their worst experiences.

Nice Guys are terrible listeners because they are too busy trying to figure out how to defend themselves or fix the other person’s problem. Nice Guys form.

Every time I meet someone I feel like they immediately put me in the nice guy category. Most women don’t want to date me or put me in the friend zone right off the bat. Don’t women want to date nice guys? Why does this always happen to me? I’m always wary of the self-proclaimed ‘ nice guy. You’re a type 3 nice guy who thinks that women should want to date you and fuck you because you’re a nice guy.

You’re wrong, though. Which is why you always get put into the ‘friend zone’ which is a term I despise because the people who complain about being put into the friend zone are often type 3 nice guys. I have more respect for assholes masquerading as nice guys because at least those dudes are sneaky and self-aware enough to know that most self-respecting women don’t go for assholes. So they pretend to be nice guys to get laid.

And it works. And then they move on. I don’t condone it, but I respect it more than ‘nice guys’ who feel women owe them attention and sex just for being nice. We should all strive to be nice, all the time, to everyone, and then improve from there.

Does Dating a Slew of Duds Make It Impossible to Accept a Genuinely Nice Guy?

The next day, he booked us into a restaurant with a six-week waiting list thus announcing his intentions to see me for the foreseeable future , and when I mused aloud about decorating, he offered to paint my walls no euphemism. Only one thing festered — his fungal nail infection. I tried not to look, but at least two of his fingers were adorned with what looked like decomposing bark off a gnarly tree. I felt sick when he ran his fingers through my hair, as I imagined the strands running through the ridges of his rotting nails.

If one man can confront and overcome his Nice Guy issues and get what he wants in love, sex, and life, so can you. I know the way. Through trial and error, I have.

The nice guy stereotype asserts that, although women often say that they wish to date kind, sensitive men, when actually given a choice, women will reject nice men in favor of men with other salient characteristics, such as physical attractiveness. To explore this stereotype, two studies were conducted. In Study 1, 48 college women were randomly assigned into experimental conditions in which they read a script that depicted 2 men competing for a date with a woman.

The niceness of 1 target man’s responses was manipulated across conditions. In Study 2, college women were randomly assigned to conditions in which both the target man’s responses and his physical attractiveness were manipulated. Overall results indicated that both niceness and physical attractiveness were positive factors in women’s choices and desirability ratings of the target men. Niceness appeared to be the most salient factor when it came to desirability for more serious relationships, whereas physical attractiveness appeared more important in terms of desirability for more casual, sexual relationships.

This is a preview of subscription content, log in to check access. Rent this article via DeepDyve. Berscheid, E. Physical attractiveness.

Breaking Up with Mr. Nice Guy

They always seem to go for the assholes and douchebags. Do I have to be an asshole to get someone to date me and be in a relationship? This is one of the most common questions I get from geeks. They choose men based on attraction.

There’s a problem with dating the ‘nice guy’ says Samantha Rea. Do you agree? Find out here on Grazia.

I really want to find someone that I can spend my life with, but time after time I seem to end up with guys that treat me like dirt. It as if I am a magnet to these kinds of guys. Is there a way I can change my luck so that I can find someone who I like and who is nice? It is not by chance that you are attracting the men that you are attracting, but rather it appears that you are seeking such people and personalities.

The Torah explains that a relationship between a man and a woman is like a fire. There are fires that burn, with the flames destroying everything in their midst, and there are the fires that warm, that glow, that illuminate. Your relationships sound like they are pretty fiery. They probably start out very exciting, very intense, and yet quickly taper off. Whereas, when you had met someone that was nice, kind and warm, you found that you were bored.

No More Mr. Nice Guy – Dr. Robert Glover Interview – Part 1

Just pay attention to the part about women preferring bad boys to nice guys. Now, it seems to me that this was a question that had a very predictable answer. When you frame it like that, whoever says that her fantasy is to marry Jason in accounting, who is kind, stable, consistent, communicative and relationship-oriented? It seems patently obvious that damaged, rebellious, mysterious and brooding are pretty much the OPPOSITE traits that one would look for in a life partner.

To me, the real question is why we glorify the traits associated with the bad boy: damaged, romantic, manly, rebellious, mysterious, smart, brooding.

Can a New Relationship Solve Your Old Problems? Well, nice people tend to treat their dates and mates very well. Even when they don’t.

Seems like women these days don’t appreciate that, though. Sound familiar? These days, it seems that online dating apps are more crowded with desperate, bitter dudes than a pick-up artist’s weekend seminar. You know the type: the guy who insists he’s kind, thoughtful, patient, and exactly what any smart, self-respecting woman should want. He’s baffled as to why girls consistently pass him over in favor of jerks.

As a hetero man, I actually understand the appeal of this mindset. Despite believing myself to be a decent person, I spent adolescence struggling to find and keep a girlfriend. But it’s an extremely flawed way of looking at relationships, and at its core, it’s not all that nice. Yes, there are men out there who are genuinely good-hearted.

This isn’t about them. Believing that girls are just as capable of making rational decisions as guys is a basic requirement for respecting them. So, when you accuse women of always going for the wrong guy, you’re implying that you know better than they do. You’re rejecting the possibility that they can make the right choice for themselves.

Why Girls Don’t Like “Nice Guys”


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